FarScApE- The First Encounter (REVISED)
by Bleed
Summary: Warning: This is not at all how it really started, its just a twist. I'm a humor -writer, so please don't flame me for attempting. =/


FARSCAPE- THE FIRST EPISODE (REVISED)  
  
  
  
I am John Chricton. I have traveled through a wormhole and have landed on this unknown ship. The natives seem hostile....maybe I shouldn't interfere....  
*ten minutes later*  
"CAKE? YOU. HAVE. CAKE!?!" Pilot asked.  
John nodded and smiled as Pilot ordered a DRD to grab the piece of whipped cream topped piece of cake from John's hand.  
"Hey, humanoid, what are you doing on this ship?" A tough, deep voice asked. Before he knew it, a blade was at John's throat, and another extraterrestrial was staring him in face.  
John gulped. "Um, I---"  
"No 'um's boy, let's get going, who and WHAT are you?"  
"John Chricton from the planet earth." He replied steadily with sweat trickling down his face.  
"Earth? But that's on the other side the that frelling wormhole!" The creature said, pointing to a small flash of light, moving like liquid in the lonely star-studded sky, that could be seen from the control screen.  
"Yes, I think while on a mission I was transported through. I mean no harm to anyone, I just want to go back. Somehow the wormhole made me land on this ship."  
The creature nodded slightly and studied him with his eyes. "Okay, human, but wrong suspicious move, and you're going into HIS hands." The creature said and motioned to a short, stumpy creature in the corner, singing "Kung Foo Fighting" while reading a comic book.  
John raised an eyebrow after the creature removed the blade slowly from his throat. "Who's he?"  
The creature smiled. "His name's Rygel. If I was you, I would be careful around the guy. Sure, he's small, but he sure can beat you at comic book trivia. Trust me, don't mess with him."  
John nodded. "I won't. By the way, what's your name/title?"  
"D'Argo. I don't take kindly to strangers, so that is all you will learn about me so far. And who are you, human?" The creature named D'Argo asked with suspicion in his voice.  
"John. John Chricton." He answered. *thinks* Damn I've ALWAYS wanted to do that.  
Rygel mumbled something. It sounded like, "It's 'Chricton, John Chricton', numbskull." He said as he leapt into a singing round of "Larger Than Life", and flipped a page of his comic book.  
John reddened. D'Argo smiled a cruel smile. "Okay, then, John. You may stay on this ship until you find your little planet called home, but until then, stay out of my business. I do not socialize with strangers."  
Aren't you already? John thought sarcastically as D'Argo turned and went out the room.   
Great. I'm stuck with Mr. Comic Book man. John thought as he glanced at Rygel, who had headphones on now, humming to a song.   
John then discovered something. CRAP! I need to go...um...to the bathroom...I shouldn't have had that tropical coolatta before the space ride. DAMN.  
John knew he couldn't hold it in, so when he made sure Rygel was preoccupied with his comics/music/constant humming, he quietly tip-toed to a door, and hoped it was the bathroom. He opened it carefully, and went inside.  
A few seconds later a big THUNK could be heard from the room John had walked in.   
John walked back out, trying very hard to control his temper. He had a mop on his head, and he was trailing a few boxes at his feet. His face was red, and he didn't look amused.  
Rygel looked up at John from his comic book and smiled innocently. "See you've found the closet."   
John looked at him. "Thanks for telling me on such a late notice."  
That comment just made Rygel grin even more. "No problem."  
John motioned to Rygel as he left the room, going the same way as D'Argo had to exit. He sighed as he walked through the door.   
This is going to be a long day.   
And he swore he heard Rygel mutter, "Okay, of course, Star Trek gets all the cool guys, but no, we get a human who walks into closets. Wonderful. Ah frell it."  
  
John walked down the narrow halls of the ship. He was thinking so much about how odd it was to be trapped on this ship until he found a way home that he didn't even see the blue-colored priestess humming what seemed like a mediation spell, swiftly gliding down the walkway.  
"Oh, I'm sorry, I was just thinking and----" John tried to apologize. Geez, only ten minutes on the ship and already he was making enemies on his own accord.  
The woman had on a light blue dress. She opened her eyes from the obvious interruption of her mediation, and looked at him with curious eyes.  
"Who are you? My dear, you are all flushed!" She exclaimed as she saw the redness appearing on John's face.  
"Um...I'm John Chricton, from planet Earth, it appears the wormhole you had passed sent me from my universe into this one." He said hurriedly.  
She nodded. "I am Zhaan, priestess. I hope you come in peace," She said calmly and held her two first fingers to his forehead.   
John was surprised at first. Her fingers were cool, compared to his warm forehead. He felt dizzy from the heat of the entire ship.   
"My dear, you're burning up." She said, and removed her fingers. She then closed her eyes and hummed an ancient dialect.  
A few minutes later of standing awkwardly in front of Zhaan, she opened her eyes again. She cupped her hands together and grabbed his shoulders, humming yet again.  
John was confused at first, but then, the headache he had earlier started to recede, and his feeling of being warm and over heated disappeared. He felt more calm, even relaxed.  
"Whoa, how did you do that?" John said, surprised.  
Zhaan smiled. "It's an old priestess art. Now go along, John Chricton, make yourself abroad Moya,"  
"Moya?" John asked.  
"Yes, Moya. This here, the ship you're on, is a living ship. Her name is Moya. We all work together, you see, to ensure no harm comes to her. She is our protector." Zhaan explained.  
John nodded with understanding. He then reddened again, making Zhaan look worried.  
"What is it John? I don't think the fever could have come back so soon...I did the spell right and all..."   
John reddened even more. "No, no, I'm fine. Its just that space travel takes erm, much time in my universe, and I was wondering if you could tell me where uh, the facilities are."  
Zhaan smiled. "Go down, and make a turn at the second right,"  
John nodded. "Thank you, Zhaan. Many thanks." He said, and started to head towards the facilities.  
Zhaan closed her eyes and began mediating again as she continued to walk down the hall.  
  
After John, had, er, 'relieved' himself, he continued down the hall he had been heading through.  
Hmm....I wonder if they have chocolate around here, John thought, suddenly feeling hungry.  
As he thought of turkey dinners and McDonalds, he was so involved with his hunger that he didn't realize that he almost walked smack into a woman, who surprisingly, looked just like a human.  
"Oh, um, sorry," He mumbled as he looked at his shoes while he walked passed, his face red with embarrassment. He had caused enough trouble for one day.  
"Excuse me? Address a Peacekeeper in the proper manner!" A harsh female voice commanded.  
John looked up, and saw the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. "Er...I'm sorry ma'am, but I'm new on this ship and----" He started, but was interrupted.  
"No excuses. It's not important. Who are you? You haven't been on Moya before, have you?" she asked, her brown eyes glittering. To John, they were like as if someone took stars from his very galaxy, and placed them in her eyes.  
"No, see, I'm a human, name's John Chricton, and I come from Earth, its just that when I was on a space mission I got sucked through a wormhole and----" He began to explain in one breath of air.  
"Okay, okay. I understand. You're that new human that everyone's talking about. Well, congratulations on finding Moya," The woman said.  
"Um, thank you, I guess," He said awkwardly. What was he, a teenage boy with a crush? The very thought of him being shy around a girl was absurd.  
"Congrats again, now, talk to me again and I shall have your head. Get out of my sight." She said, and turned around to continue walking.  
John was confused. Majorly. Okay...Talk about a PMS day. Hey, it wouldn't hurt to get her name...   
John opened his mouth to speak, but the woman started before he could.  
"Name's Aeryn Sun, a PeaceKeeper. Next time, John Chricton from Earth, address me in the proper manner, and stop blushing bright red with your mouth open like a fish," The woman named Aeryn said, without her even turning around. She just kept continuing right on walking.  
Apparently, this had left John speechless, with his mouth open like a fish, the exact description Aeryn had given.  



End file.
